The 10 Best Secrets to Unhappiness

16 December 2015

#attitude #happiness #humor #success

In a previous article, we talked about different forms of stress and how to deal with it.  Many motivational speakers have tried a unique approach to delivering their message and in this article, I thought that I would have a little fun and share my version.  I will focus on the ten best ways to ensure complete frustration, failure and unhappiness in our lives.  As a Motivational speaker and Consultant, I get the privilege to see lives changed as the result of the decisions that members of the audience make.


 I’ll provide you with the ten best-proven methods for ensuring long-term failure and unhappiness.

  1. You must start by complaining a lot.  A large part of being unhappy is that everyone around you should know it.  It also helps to bring them to your level should they be unfortunate enough to be having a good day.

  2. You must also be sure to adopt the attitude that you are "deserving".  After all, this is a great country and we really shouldn’t have to work hard for anything.  If we wanted to earn a living commensurate with the level of our productivity, then we would have been born in another time.  Having all the “stuff” that the Jones family has is our civil right.  This way we can set unattainable goals based on someone else’s life and consequently we will always have something to help us fulfill rule #1 above.

  3. Become defensive and closed-minded.  If you open your mind to new ideas and motivation then you run the risk of being asked to change.  You worked hard to get rid of a “learning attitude” so make sure you fight hard to keep your stubborn perspective.  That learning stuff leads to improved critical thinking and that is just way too much work.  Think of yourself only.

  4. Impatience is vital.  Follow the trends of contemporary society and prescribe to the notion that what you want is what you deserve and that you deserve it now!  Yea now, this very minute.  Not tomorrow, not next week and certainly not next year…right now!

  5. Don’t be responsible.  That would require leadership skills and accountability.  After all, you took responsibility for something back in 2001.  It’s someone else’s turn now.  Responsibility means there is stress if your decision does not go perfectly well and then people will turn to you for guidance and leadership.  Plus, if you took responsibility, how could you possibly blame it on someone else? 

  6. Avoid decision-making situations.  If you’re confused on this one, see #5 above.

  7. Lack of self-confidence is instrumental.  Come on people…self-confidence leads to secretion of endorphins and some of that other stuff that makes you feel good and all of a sudden you find yourself violating #4,5,1,3…oh it could feasibly blow this whole thing apart.  To ensure unhappiness, it is fundamental that you avoid anything promoting self-confidence.  No exercise, no hanging out with positive people, and no feel good books… not even a little bit.

  8. Eliminate all trust and faith from your life.  After all. It’s easy to justify not believing in something you can’t see.  Trust and faith gives you hope, confidence and a positive outlook and I don’t have to begin to tell you what that will do to your unhappiness game plan.

  9. Be sure to be self-centered and selfish.  Look out for number one baby!  He who gathers up the most in his box wins at the end of the game.  There’s no better way to be unhappy than to hoard it all for thyself.  Forget all the research and data that contradicts this, all you need in this world is your “stuff.” 

  10. I saved the best for last.  Many sources will try to share the secrets of the ages.  They’ll try to show you proven techniques of the most successful people in history.  Recognize it for what it truly is.  It is merely principles and techniques to help you live a more successful and happy life.  As you seek to ensure unhappiness, avoid these sources of positive inputs like the plague.  It is frequent exposure to sources like these that is largely responsible for the conversion of millions of people to a more productive and extraordinary life.  In fact, what are you doing reading this article?  Go watch something on TV that promotes moral and ethical violations.  Don’t worry it won’t be hard to find…

Remember that the place to start to change the world is in your heart.

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